So THAT'S Where I Put The Keys

No excuse. None. This space has remained unchanged for over a year. Shit, I am a slacker to the nth degree.

For the longest time, nothing was new. I was stuck in a rut. It was just me, the rut and a bottle of booze. Not to say I had an alcohol problem, I just mean that if you're going to be stuck in a rut, you might as well have some refreshments.

Time passed, I worked on my resume, did nothing, interviewed for a couple of jobs and stayed at my dead end job for far too long. About a month ago I finally got out of it and got a new, better job.

In my excitement of landing this new job I got stupid and got taken for a couple hundred bucks by a couple of con artists while headed to a celebration in honour of getting out of my old job. That's a fun story. It even has a sequel the next night where the guy wanted me to meet him so he could pay me back and then disappeared when I didn't show up alone. See? That time, not AS stupid. You tend to regain your common sense when you aren't in a deliriously good mood. So I went to meet him, didn't go alone, guy came up with excuses and disappeared. Slightly scary that he was going to shake me down for more money. What I've learned as a result that I pass on to you: Any stranger asks for help, crack em in the knee with a blunt object and get the hell out of there. Doesn't matter if it's a tourist looking for directions or someone needing bus fare. It'll save you money in the long run, as long as you don't get caught because then there's the lawsuit due to the assault. If that happens, we've never met. Not that you listen to what people say on the internet right?

No, of course not. That would be stupid.

Got tickets to the White Stripes in July. ...Thought I was going somewhere with that. Guess not.

Also going to the Virgin Festival in September. And I had the same thought going through my head when I read the email about it as you do reading t in that last sentence. I wondered if I wanted to open the email when I got it. But it's actually a music festival, not something dirty. Though that idea would be a HUGE moneymaker on the internet. The hard part would be finding ACTUAL virgins to take part. Actually let me rephrase. Virgins on the internet are not hard to find....You know what? I'm not even going to finish trying to explain that point. I wrote it out then decided it was a waste of time. I'll just leave it at "impossible to find attractive women to do that porn who are actually virgins"

I guess I ended up explaining that point anyways.

If anybody does actually find the attractive women to put that idea into effect I want some of the back end.

I mean money...Yeah, money.

Summer movies are here:

Spider-man 3. Good, not great. I have an idea how it could have been better. Cram tons of characters into the damned thing and don't flesh any of them out. Throw in the black suit by introducing it and having it run into the protagonist in a stupidly coincidental way.

Have the villain the director originally wanted and could have been done well not really be in the movie that much. Have most of the big finish with him done as a large CGI monster.

Have the new goblin fly around on a snowboard, and if you do that, make sure that at some point some kids see him and throw out exclamations that were old when the live action ninja turtle movies were out, ("Radical!", "Wicked!", "Extreme!", "Ninja rap!")

Wait, that's what they did? Damn. OK, how about having Mary Jane be a complete bitch and snap at Peter every goddamned second? She was? She did? They considered it character development? OK, I'm out of ideas then.

(One question however, if EVERY reviewer hated Mary Jane in that play enough that they recast her after the first week, why the hell did she get the part in the first place? You figure the directors would have auditioned her and maybe picked up on what apparently everybody else ended up saying in the reviews of the play.)

Movie gets an A- just because Bruce Campbell is fucking awesome.

Pirates 3: Long. Though it doesn't feel like wasted time or like stuff was crammed in. Johnny Depp is still cool as ever. Tia Dalma. WTF?
"Let's put her in the movie so we can play up her love story with Davy Jones."
"OK, so it builds up and they end up together."
"No! She grows to 50 ft for a few seconds then turns into a bunch of crabs!"
"Then what?"
"Nothing!"
"We have to stop having script meetings at Red Lobster."

I'm looking forward to seeing Oceans Thirteen. As long as they go back to the formula of the first one where it looked like they were having fun so the audience had fun instead of whatever the hell it was that decided to bore the hell out of me in the sequel.

Transformers looks like it'll be an Oscar winner but only because I watched the trailer after the Fantastic Four 2 trailer. Transformers will be good for a few explosions and I'll leave the theater crying over having my childhood memories raped.

Fantastic Four 2 will be hilarious. Not in a good way. I read a quote from Jessica Alba stating something like she has to prove she's a good enough actor for the parts not that she's a good enough looking person for the parts or she won't be around for long. Something like that. Point is she needs to realize that the whole actor with lasting appeal doesn't happen when your star in things like FANTASTIC FOUR 2!

Fuck I hated FF 1...

On the plus side next year we have The Dark Knight and Iron Man is shaping up nicely from the looks of it.

But that's it. Hopefully this fills top space for only a short time. Time will tell.

See You In December - asmyth82 1:33 AM -