Twice In A Month You Lucky People!

Yes, another How The Hell Did They Get Here?

First up:

turn procrastination monkey into a fast worker

Sorry buddy, that'll never happen. He's Procrastination Monkey for a reason.

peanut trick bullseye daredevil

It was CG! Christ, if you could actually do it nobody would get to where they were going because somebody would kill them with a peanut. If you really want to do this, the first step is being born a mutant with the power to accurately hit any target. In case you're thinking "I was born a mutant" shut up right now. I don't mean "I was born with webbed toes" mutant. I'm talking about the comic book "I shoot lasers from my eyes" mutant. You weren't so stop trying.

"you put the beer in the coconut" simpsons mp3

This one pops up every time. It was a 5 second thing in one episode. Get over it people!

smyth

I'm sorry, if you're using AOL run head first into the nearest brick wall as hard as you can. It's a crappy ISP that charges too much.

cat's in the craddle

So? What am I supposed to do about it?

talking monkey when you type in words

Wait, the monkey is saying something while I type it:
"Dear sir,

You are an idiot.

Signed,
Not an idiot."

bang horny teens

If only it were that easy I'd be banging horny teens right now instead of doing this.

"this land is your land - Canada"

I've answered this one before. Why do you keep bringing it up?

"urban hunt"

Go here. That'll get you started. Kinda cool people are finding me because of the game.

"piss off the planet"

Well you're not pissing off the planet, but you're certainly pissing me off. How the hell do you think you could actually piss off the entire planet? Certainly not all at once. One person at a time? Or perhaps you're doing it right now by still drawing breath.

That's it for now. I've been drinking a bit in case you couldn't tell. I get annoyed easily after several beers. And I'm talking Canadian beer, not that weak American crap.

You know that Canadian beer, it's like moonshine! - asmyth82 1:11 AM - (0) comments

AVP Could Stand For Something Other Than Alien Vs. Predator

I usually use AVP as A Vile POS.

I saw the movie opening day. I had purchased the special edition Predator movie with the free pass, but the only place that would accept it was a little out of my way so I paid to see it. After wading through all the kids dragging their parents to see Yu Gi Oh, I got a good seat.

Worst. Movie. Ever.

As I left, laughing at how horrible the movie actually was and how the director should be beaten in the streets and never allowed near a camera again, I could only describe the movie as Battlefield: Earth meets X-Files: Fight the Future with the shitty white alien/human thing from Alien: Resurrection. And when you mix movies with colons in their titles you are left with stuff that is excreted from that area of the body. And mixing those movies, you know you have a winner...For every Razzie at this years awards. I won't go into detail or spoilers about the movie because it's too painful, but suffice to say that I still have the free pass to the movie and I would not use it even if I was asked to go with a group of friends. When I won't even go to a free movie, you know there is some major suckage going on.

It could have been worse, I could have seen Yu Gi Oh. "You played a card of some stupid monster that kids will spend their next four months of allowance on booster packs trying to find...Speed lines!!!"

Ugh, they took their last major "twist" from the damned video game - asmyth82 12:53 AM - (0) comments

Because I Just Have To

Two posts in one day. Woo. On a roll. With cheese.

That's right, it's time once again for How The Hell Did They Get Here.

First up:

matthew smith

Look, I know Smyth isn't as common as Smith, but it doesn't mean I know the guy. If you find him though, tell him he owes me $5.

tenacious d lyrics

Because I keep them on hand. There. Don't say I never do anything for you.

list of different words for monkey

I got nothing . Is the search for names of different species? Different families? Who knows? Who cares?

18 letter words

Somebody's trying to compensate for something.

ANTI JOHN KERI COMMERCIALS

I think they knew they were spelling the name wrong and shouting it would get the proper results. This is what idiots are up to after getting off IRC.

HOW TO MAKE A WOMAN HORNY

The IRC kid is back! Like guys who sit in front of a computer on the internet all day every day know what a woman is, let alone how to make one horny. I was 23 on the search results.

Sample Letter Turning Down an Offer

Do you really need anything so formal? I've always found a good "Fuck off and die" works incredibly well.

child pron

I don't want to know what I ranked on this search. I'm not even touching the link past copy and pasting it.

combustion monkey

I find searching for something like that is a waste of time. Type the words into the address bar, no spaces, add .com to the end and hit enter. It's not hard.

big words and their meaning

It's called a dictionary, idiot.

haunted apiary

Go here. Tell them I sent you. For every five referrals I get a coffee mug!

And that's the end of that chapter
- asmyth82 8:50 AM - (0) comments

It's Like A Merry-go-round Except You're Sitting On A Spike

I was gone all weekend housestiing for a friend. Turns out I was supposed to lock up the dog in it's cage when I leave the house. I didn't and it tore some stuff up. Shit.

I got home last night and my brother was there. Not really surprised, it was his birthday. Just seeing him renewed my anger however. After he left my grandmother asked me if I had even said happy birthday to him. I replied I hadn't nor had I gotten him anything for his birthday, I had already given him enough. They think I should just get over it. That night I heard on the news a guy in Florida got three teens to help him beat six people to death because his Xbox had been stolen. In comparison I'm handling the matter quite maturely. Sure I want to dive over the table at family functions and stab him, but that doesn't mean I'm going to.

I'm thinking if I do get him something for Christmas I'll just hand him some money. That'll save him time having to sell whatever I'd buy him. I could always cut out the extra step and just buy him the drugs, but how would I wrap it?

I'm home for a couple of days then it's off to housesit for another friend. I should charge a fee.

I got nothing
- asmyth82 8:38 AM - (0) comments